The Convenience Store Clerk From Hell
by gauze
Summary: The Suzaku Shichi Seishi need porno and beer.... and there's only one place to get it.


The Suzaku Shichi Seishi finally meet their match in….  
  
THE CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK FROM HELL!!  
  
The Suzaku Shichi Seishi were all sitting around the palace one day, when they decided they needed some porno and beer. Chiriko, as usual, had the best plan.  
  
"Let's all go to the Seven-11 in downtown Eiyo!"  
  
"Hai, soo desu!" they all screamed in reply. They were all really sick of the old porno, and they had been out of beer for weeks (Tasuki was not a happy camper).  
  
So, they all hopped in the royal 1969 Chevy Camero (they had to stuff Chiriko in the trunk to make them fit) and drove to the downtown Eiyo Seven- 11. This drew quite a crowd, as it was ancient China and automobiles weren't going to be invented for another couple thousand years.  
  
When they arrived at the Seven-11, they discovered that there were no parking spots available, so they had to park on the street. The instant they locked it and left, it was stripped down and jacked up. What was really horrible was not the fact that Hotohori had just made the last payment on it, but that they had left Chiriko in the trunk, and he was now on his way to Mongolia with the exhaust pipe.  
  
So, the six remaining Shichi Seishi (or would that be Roku Seishi?) walked the block and a half to the Seven-11. Once inside, Tamahome and Tasuki immediately got in a fight over which flavor of Slurpee was better, Pina Colada or Blue Raspberry.  
  
Meanwhile, Nuriko, Chichiri, and Hotohori had all decided to make Mitsukake buy all the porno and beer, because he was the oldest and it was unlikely that he would be carded.  
  
So, Mistukake walked to the clerk's counter and said "I would like one case of your finest….what was it?" He turned back towards the others.  
  
"Porno! Porno!" They stage-whispered to him.  
  
"I would like some….por…no? And….beee…er?"  
  
"Ok, like, I'll need to see some ID, dude." The clerk was obviously from California, a surfer by trade, and had the IQ of a small seashell. What was really insane about this was that there was no United States at this time, and certainly no beach bum surfers there!  
  
"Eye…dee?"  
  
"Yeah, ya know dude, like, a driver's license?"  
  
"Dri…ver?"  
  
"Dude, do you speak English?"  
  
"Eng…lish?"  
  
"Dude, beat it or I'll call the police. I bet you're all jacked up on the wacky tobacco!"  
  
"Po…lice? Wa…cky?"  
  
"Dude! This is so, like, NOT cool! This is like, downright bogus even! "  
  
"Bo…gus?"  
  
"That's a legitimate question, actually, but the order stands…GET…..OUT."  
  
Mitsukake felt it was best to give up now, while he was ahead.  
  
Next it was Chichiri's turn, as he was the next oldest.  
  
"Give me some Playboys and a couple of Penthouses, no da!"  
  
"Mkay, Dude, I'm gonna need some ID?"  
  
"I'm older than 18, no da! You can trust me, no da!"  
  
"Dude, like, it's the rules. See the button, dude? I'd card my own mother, dude."  
  
"That sucks, no da. I left my wallet in my other kasa, no da."  
  
"Bogus, dude."  
  
"Bogus, no da."  
  
"Dude."  
  
"No da."  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"No da!"  
  
And so the two went off into the back to continue their three-word- vocabulary discussion. When they returned three hours later, Chichiri was mumbling something about "No dude da? Da no dude?" Hotohori was horrified!  
  
"Oh my God! He broke Chichiri!"  
  
"You bastard!" cried Nuriko.  
  
Chichiri wandered out the door and collapsed next to Mitsukake, who had brought his Game Boy along and was doing quite well in his Pokemon game.  
  
Next it was Nuriko's turn.  
  
"Hey, handsome, how bout some pornos for my friends here. It's ok, you can give me pornos."  
  
"Yo, dude, I like, need ID."  
  
"ID? Oh come on, you don't need to card a pretty young woman such as myself, now do you?"  
  
"Uhm, yeah, I guess, like, dude, you know?"  
  
"You haven't had a single coherent thought all day, have you?"  
  
"Dude, like, I guess, like, I mean, you know, like, Dude!"  
  
"Give me some porno, dammit!"  
  
"Like, you know, not without ID or something, like, Dude!"  
  
"RRGH! I give up!" He stormed outside, pulled out his Gameboy, and traded his Alakazam for Mitsukake's Gengar (she hadn't beaten Sabrina yet).  
  
Now it came down to Hotohori.  
  
"Now you listen here, I am the Emperor of Konan, and I want some porno."  
  
"Dude, like, I need some ID or otherwise proof of Emperor-ship."  
  
"I'm the Emperor, I don't carry my goddamn wallet! I have servants to do that for me!"  
  
"Well, like, dude, I can't sell you porno without ID."  
  
And so, Hotohori was defeated.  
  
The Shichi Seishi slumped home, minus Chiriko and Tamahome, who was still buried under the Slurpee machine in the Seven-11. When they got back to the palace, they found Chiriko, who, in Mongolia, had become the head of an international smuggling ring, and had brought home 20 cases of Heineken and so many back issues of Playboy that it made the head spin. And so, though they were unable to defeat the Convenience Store Clerk From Hell, they at least got their porno and beer.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Okay, okay, so I forgot to put it at the top. Gimme a break. You know the deal. All the Suzaku Shichi Seishi are property of Watase- sama. The store dude is mine though. 


End file.
